so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
