Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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