I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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