I want you more than these girls want KFC
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My ass is underappreciated
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
