Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
