I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
