i barfeds in our rink
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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