If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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