Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
