I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
