ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
