I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
