matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
