Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
