at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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