I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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