sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
