apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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