im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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