He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
