found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
