Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
