ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
