not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
