so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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