a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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