don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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