We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
How's work?
Spinning.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
