she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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