There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
