He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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