I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
