someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
