after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
