I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
