ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
