He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
