You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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