Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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