Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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