Already got asked if we're dating
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
