so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
