dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
