Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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