He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
