Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
