Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
