Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
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