Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
