Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
