nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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