This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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