so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
